


Wasted Chances

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crazy Rick, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sadness, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 18:14:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Rick wasted too many chances to be with Daryl.





	Wasted Chances

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crazstiz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazstiz/gifts).



> I hope you like! It turned out differently than you requested. I promise a jealousy/challenging affections fic is coming.

Rick’s heart fell when he realized it was Daryl, dirty and weary but fine. Not a walker. He wouldn’t crumble down, go mad because Daryl was okay.

“Third time you aimed that at my head, you gonna pull the trigger or what?”

“No!” Rick screams holding onto Daryl, he can’t lose him like this.

“I was just kidding.” Daryl holds onto him before losing consciousness. 

It’s hard but Rick suppresses his emotions, helps carry him to Hershel. 

‘It’s just a graze.’ He tells himself. ‘I’m not losing him like this.’

Once Hershel says he’s fine he can relax, breath again.

“Don’t tell me you would miss me if I was gone.” Daryl jokes when he sees him that night. 

His color is back, he’s sore but okay.

‘I got time to tell him how I feel.’ He thinks as he gives Daryl a book and just sits with him awhile.  
———————————————————————  
The first time Rick knew he saw more than a redneck in Daryl was actually when the man threw a string of squirrels at him demanding Merle be found. He screams and thrashes in Shane's grip, his muscles flexing. Pure fire and rage within his eyes, Rick’s happy to be reunited with Lori but it’s not lost on him he’s got a thing for Daryl.  
———————————————————————-  
“I’ll follow you anywhere.” Rick whispers to him after the CDC.

Lori has lost all faith him, he’s sure Carl has too but Daryl’s blues are open and honest. He doesn’t want to lead but in that moment he feels it doesn't matter if no one else follows if only Daryl remains behind him.

“I wonder if he feels the same way.” Rick whispers into his cold tent.

Lori and Carl sleep without him, that’s not what steals his sleep that night, it’s the taunting of Daryl’s orange tent next to him.

Maybe one day he will join him.  
————————————————————————  
He was so stupid he screams internally, convinced he could have Lori back and now she’s dead. Carl had to give her the final death. His daughter will never know him. Rick loved her and he loved Daryl. The gnawing that he was somehow unfaithful drives him further into madness along with all the feelings he’s suppressed. Everybody expects him to be the leader, have the answers and now he’s cracking. 

A phone rings and he picks it up.

Days go by that Rick doesn’t know pass, dusk and dawn have no meaning and he’s just so tired. Judith is placed his in arms but he doesn’t know it, can’t decipher her name or a baby’s scent around him. 

Chaos, chaos, chaos.

“Rick come back to me.”

A week has passed and Rick groans opening his eyes to see Daryl there. He wasn’t sleeping, his eyes not even closed, awake and standing is what he is and he sees the pain on the hunter’s face, relief now blossoms upon Daryl’s face.

“Rick.”

It’s like a kiss to neglected lips, air forced into his lungs and now he can see.

“Daryl.” Is all that comes out.

He is whole again.  
———————————————————————  
The prison falls, Carl hates him. They walk down the road alone. Rick is certain he will never see them again, his family. Sure he will meet others but none will be the same.

‘Daryl.’ His mind reminds him.

He wipes away a tear, clutches his ribs and stumbles on.

To keep living and help his son survive he has to forget about Daryl.

If Carl wasn’t there with him right now, lost too then Rick would just give up. 

‘Daryl.’ Another tear drops down his cheek.

But he keeps going.  
———————————————————————-  
Finding Daryl is like Heaven on earth. Ripping that Claimers throat out isn't frightening, what they wanted to do to his son…

For one minute the pain leaves completely, a calm gathers beneath his skin because Daryl’s there.

The next his son is pinned to the ground and he sees red.

Michonne keeps Carl safe and Daryl wipes him down, not judging what he did. Daryl would never judge.

“It’s good to see you man.”

“You too.” Rick’s tired, relieved.

He drops his weary head onto Daryl's’ strong shoulders, reminded of their strength.

Rick loves him and soon, he will tell him.

———————————————————  


Alexandria leaves Rick paranoid, they don't understand walkers nor life, what it takes to keep living. Daryl scampers away like an abused puppy and it’s just so hard.

This was supposed to be it, the day he starts to live again but his heart hardens. He’s doubted, these people don't know how easy they have it and it’s going to kill them.

They stare at him when he beats Pete, all think abusing a wife is okay if there’s a Doctor to save them. They are all going to die.

The whack to the head hits him and all he can do is feel relief that Daryl is the last glimpse he sees even if he’s disappointed.

“You can’t do that Rick.”

“I know.” Rick stretches out his hand, wants to hold Daryl’s.

He pulls his arm back though and turns on the bed, eased by only a glimpse of dirty brown pants. “I know.”

“I’ll stay here for you, for the kids but you got to straighten up because your gonna make them lose their home.” Daryl warns.

“I’m going to change.” Rick promises.

He takes Daryl’s hand then, the other doesn’t flinch but holds onto him, squeezes his palm until he falls asleep.

Daryl's smiling, he’s happy and Rick is too.

————————————————————-  
The Wolves, the new threat The Saviors, a one night stand with Michonne becomes meaningless sex night after night.

It’s not where Rick wanted things to go. He can’t control the enemies that keep coming, how there's a rift in Alexandria but he hates what he’s doing to Daryl. Every night Daryl walks in after a smoke, his slitted eyes downcast when Michonne takes his hand leading him upstairs.

But he keeps following her upstairs, knows sometimes the bump of their bed against the walls are heard by Daryl next door. He knows when Daryl’s not there for breakfast it’s because he left, hears the front door close snap shut at night.

Daryl's hurt and yet he doesn't stop. 

‘Loving Daryl from afar is enough.’ He tells himself.

Daryl wouldn't want to be with him anyway, the bile burns his throat when he thinks that because it’s a lie but he keeps on. His best friend deserves to be free, have no restraint and live his life. He’s reckless, riding his bike and taking on walkers, getting in the way to save others.

When Rick lies to himself he never admits the truth. Losing Daryl would be worse than Lori. 

He just can’t do it.

—————————————————————-  


That need to crack happens again. Abraham and Glenn are nothing but puddy smeared in the ground, he was picked up like a rag doll and thrown inside an RV by Negan. He already hates the man, wants him dead.

When Daryl looks back at him, for the first time ever looking helpless he lets himself cry.

A phone rings in the background but he doesn't answer it because no one else can finish this, help Daryl but him.  
—————————————————————-  


“You can do this, you decided to fight and we will win.”

Daryl twiddles with a cigarette and shows conviction, his faith in Rick.

They form a plan, decide Negan will lose. It’s scary, people will die, his family. Possibly Daryl...

Brushing it all aside he doesn’t think of his biggest fear, losing Daryl and inhales. He makes a speech and decides to go to war.

They win and no one is really even surprised.

——————————————————  


Daryl’s touch lingers, he whispers in his ear, their hands caress in simple bumps.

Daryl wants him so why is this so hard?

One night they stare at the stars together, their hips too close and he turns to him. Daryl looks back, yearning in his eyes. Rick cups his chin, stares into his real home and presses in.

“Daddy!” Judith calls from inside.

He sighs and Daryl laughs in a chuckle.

The night is done.  
———————————————————-  


The distance is stretching, there is no excuse.

“Tomorrow.” Rick says.

That fear of losing Daryl is back but also he knows tomorrow he can hang up that hat, be done leading and let Daryl in. Carl will be eighteen soon and he can take over the reigns.

“It will be easier then.” He whispers as he watches Daryl gut a deer.  
————————————————————-  


Three months ago Carl turned eighteen. Negan’s been in a cell two years and all is quiet. Everyday Rick is needed but it’s...peaceful.

Rick smiles, sees the brighter side of life. There’s hope.

“Nice day.” Daryl bumps him playfully and bites into an apple.

He’s been distant lately.

“Yeah.” Rick looks out across to the other houses.

Never did he think he could have this, keep this.

“Festivals tonight.”

“Yeah I think I’m gonna stay home. Let Michonne handle it.”

Daryl bristles and he wants to slap himself, she’s a sore subject. He sees how Daryl pulls from her now, seethes at her name.

“Just get some sleep for once.” Rick ignores the signs.

“Yeah.” Daryl grumbles then walks away.

An barely eaten apple sits on the porch railing and Rick touches the white flesh knowing Daryl’s lips were upon it.  
——————————————————————  
A week passes after the festival, Rick relaxes because Daryl talks more. The pats return though not as friendly, the lingering eyes aren't as sensual but Daryl's still there.

His family, all of them cram into Rick's house and they play a game. Everyone drinks until they stumble out and he finds only him and Daryl are left.

“So I’ve made a decision.” Daryl picks at his cuticles but stops to look Rich in the eye.

“You have?” Rick doesn’t know what decision it could be but any his friend always makes wise choices m.

“I’m done.”

“Done?” Rick asks.

Daryl stands and takes a sip of a beer, one that wasn’t his. “I ain’t a dancer man and dancing I’ve been doing. I’m done and I swear if you try to come at me again I’ll deck you.”

Rick’s pulse drums in his ears, drowning every other sound out and but somehow he hears Daryl's feet trample out the door.  
——————————————————————  


Rick would call himself an idiot if only he could speak. Daryl moves out, a week later he moves to Hilltop and doesn't even tell Rick. Carl’s past eighteen and yet Rick still leads.

Stupid, that’s what he was and even as a phone rings he ignores it because there’s shit to be done.

His heart feels heavy, it doesn’t make sense. Everything inside tells him to get on his horse and go to Daryl.

Yet Rick still leads, goes home to his empty bed that night.  
————————————————————————  
Negan helps them fight, his jail cell stays unlocked and he doesn’t escape. The man proves he’s one of them. Rick’s still skeptical but everyone believes the Savior has changed and over time it’s proven.

Negan saves Judith, hell he saves Rick. Doesn't bode for praise, no smirk in place at being a true Savior. The man gardens and smiles, soft and kind. He’s good with the kids and teaches school, goes on runs, digs the graves of the fallen and even sometimes gives their eulogies. Rick likes him, finds that somehow the enemy is now a friend.

Carl leaves, finds his own community and a girlfriend. His son is now a leader but not of Alexandria. It’s okay, Rick gets his hat back, his boots have holes but he keeps on going. 

This is his life.  
——————————————————————-  
Daryl doesn’t forget Alexandria, Rick’s got grey in his hair, his beard a full bush. His friend still visits him, kind words aimed his way. Overly polite but they are spoken. Somehow the rugged redneck has kept youthful, bags under his eyes the only indication of age. Where Rick limps Daryl still skips.

At night sometimes Rick finds himself stroking to the i memory of Daryl. Nothing imagined, racy or filth, but the almost kiss they shared, the hugs and thank yous. Any kind day they shared at the prison. He wishes they could have stayed there, wonders what could of been if they did.

It never feels sick to cum at Daryl's whispered name.

After all he’s sure Daryl does the same to their shared memories.

Like that night long ago all alone in his tent, knowing Daryl is next door is a taunt.  
———————————————————————-  
Carol baked muffins before she left and Rick shoves some in a bag in a hurry to see Daryl. They are his best friends favorite so he hoped they wouldn’t go stale, only one ate by himself.

Scurrying over as fast as his limp will allow he freezes after his knock. There’s laughter, full hearted ones and he steps back. 

‘Maybe I should go.’

But it’s too late when Negan answers, Rick cocks his head realizing Negan is only in boxers.

“Well if it isn’t Ricky! My second favorite man!” Negan snickers.

“Umm. yeah, umm.” Rick stammers

“Well shit! Come on in!” Negan snatches the muffins and practically shoves him inside.

The aroma of waffles, sausage, and oranges cling in the air.

“I just made breakfast, want some?” Negan offers.

Daryl looks at him, his gaze not challenging, prideful, nor guilty.

“No I just ate.” Rick lies.

Daryl’s hair is sleep ruffled, his shirt too tight and inside out. He’s sleepy and Rick knows he wasn't alone last night.

“Well bullshit! Daryl brought fresh sausage from the Kingdom and that shit is rare!”

Rick wants to object but a plate is placed in front of him, a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice too. He digs in because he doesn't know what to say, Daryl’s reaction is zero as he sips on coffee and acts as if this is normal. Like it could be.

“And for my leading man I gift you the most sausage!”

Daryl smiles when Negan hands him a plate and sits down with his own, it does have more meat than their plates. That much Rick can process.

Good, he deserves that.

Negan pecks Daryl’s lips, it’s soft and sweet, too quick but Daryl still managed to peck back.

Rick doesn't like Negan he decides in that moment but he isn't stupid. 

‘It’s all my fault.’ He tells himself.

“I’m done.” Daryl’s voice teases. 

The phone rings, maybe he should get it this time.


End file.
